Life is full of contradictions...

Thursday, September 24, 2009

i raised my voice at my year 1s today..
to make me feel worse, i raised my voice for more than 2 times in jus 1 day

2 dun wan to come band, bully e leaders, and give attitude
1 came for band but it's e same as not coming at all
he come oso dun wan to play, he dun even noe wat to play and how to play
come band also dun wan bring file, den keep distracting e others

i've never seen nor experienced today's event before
this is my 1st time seeing so many seniors gathering outside e damn classroom
though some r watching only but 4 leaders(including me) scolded/raised our voice at them
and they dare to repeat their mistakes again
their skin damn thick..i should borrow hammer and chisel/knife from e sch tmr

i've never seen e leaders so angry, agitated and hurt before
that kind of pain experienced by e heart..i can sense that it's very strong
why? coz i keep having a weird feeling in my heart during lessons
e worst case i've seen is when my ex-ex-SL and ex-ex-BL cry
but this nv happened again..unlike e one i'm facing right now

gosh...i seriously should talk to e band..
den i'll make it compulsory for all e members to come for this sat prac

(pray that they will come if not i will hav to reach sch early everyday)

To e leaders who were present today to scold the year 1s:
-dun feel weird bcoz u feel that u hav no right to scold them
-u r helping me to teach them some manners and stuff
-if u r afraid that they will hate u, den throw away this thought coz we dun nid them to like us to
come for band
-they have to feel it within themselves to come for band prac
-e least we can do is to awaken this feeling that has been slping inside of them
-if u nid someone to talk to, u can find me
-den we can think of a plan together to solve this prob
-dun suffer by urself..i will suffer e most no matter wat has happened
-in that case, jus share ur sufferings with me..i hav to get use to it somehow
-cheer up! =D

left a note at 8:47 PM.